A Dark Place

I ended up in a dark place this weekend.  I really don't know what set it off.   I went to an earlier WW meeting than my usual one, which meant there was a different leader.  Actually, I had planned to go to the early meeting on Friday morning so I would still have my usual leader, but I ended up staying up too late the night before and then couldn't get out of bed early enough.  Anyway, I had a scrapbooking crop on Saturday, so I needed to go to the 9am meeting.  The leader was fine, but she didn't speak to me, shall we say, they way my regular leader did.

I was also up 0.6 or 0.8 (I'd have to check my record to make sure).  I weighed in before I left home, so I knew I'd see a small gain.  It was frustrating because I'd had a good week, but then I got my tape measure out and took my measurements.  Since starting Body Pump, I've lost at least one inch off each of my measurements!  That is so much better than a number on a scale.

Anyway, I got home and I had limited time to get ready for my crop and, during that time, I had to eat breakfast (because, you know, I couldn't eat BEFORE my WW meeting!).  Well, I get home and what I had planned to eat was not there because my husband fed it to my kids (who had already had at least one breakfast).  It was not my finest hour...but luckily I was about to leave the house for 6 hours!

Sunday, at church, the kids were on their worst behavior.  I was exhausted by the time it was all over and I seriously just crashed when we got home.  Then, I started to get really down on myself.

Why am I still fighting this weight battle?  Why do other people have such success and I don't?  I work out, I eat relatively clean...I should have this.  I have some struggles at home, though.  For any single person reading this and thinking that losing weight is hard because you are single, I am laughing in your face right now.  Try it with a husband and 2 kids!  My husband is the sort of person who comes up with an idea, searches the internet for a site that supports it (and, let's face it, you can find anything on the internet!) and then decides that he IS RIGHT and everyone else is wrong.  He refuses to do anything sane about his weight.  I think he tries to be supportive, but then he does things to sabotage me--like eating all of something that I had purchased for myself on my plan.  And then my kids just want to eat all the time...except at mealtimes.  (Well, that's really just my daughter).

I actually contemplated doing Take Shape for Life/Medifast this weekend.  I mean, that's not going to happen--I have concerns about the Medifast plan in general and, even if I didn't, my gluten intolerance would keep me from being able to eat most of their food.  I know WW works if I work it, but I just get impatient with it all.  I've been back with WW since February 2012 and still have not reached my 10% !  Ugh!

I didn't track all weekend.  I know, I was just working against myself...but I was just in such a dark place.  I wasn't even reading blogs, which is usually a huge source of support for me.  I'm not out of it yet--I got into it this morning with my husband and I've been struggling today, but I made it to the gym and I've been tracking.  I'm trying to catch up on my blog reading, but I'm way behind so I won't be able to comment much.

It's no use waiting for the dark place to just disappear.  I've got to pull myself out of it.

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop: The Birth Story

I used to participate in Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop every week and then, well, I just fell out of practice.  I think I stayed away for a while because this was the "healthy living" blog and rarely do her posts relate to healthy living.  However, now this is sort of my "healthy living and everything else blog," so why not start it again?  Anyway, here goes nuthin':

Every year on my husband's birthday, my mother-in-law recites his birth story which is very sweet and typical and, well, a bit boring.  His brother gets the same treatment.  In fact, most people on that side of the family have sweet, typical and slightly boring birth stories.

And then there is my story.

There are a couple of things you need to know going into this story.  First of all, I was my mother's sixth child.  She had had 5 boys in 6 years and, after an absence of 14 years (and another marriage after her first husband was killed in Vietnam), she was ready to give birth to me.  This is important to know because my mother was no stranger childbirth and the pain that comes with it.

The second thing is that my father was in the Air Force at the time and my family (being my parents and at least 2 of my 5 brothers) lived on base.  It was also during the Vietnam War, which meant that most of the soldiers were elsewhere and the hospital was, well, business was slow there.

Well, the time came and my mother realized she was in labor.  So, my father brought her to the hospital--the empty hospital.  From what my mother has told me, she would be the only patient in the hospital.  She goes in, walks up to the receptionist and says, "Miss, I am in labor."

The woman takes one look at her and says.  "No, you're not" and then goes back to what she is doing.    My mother then informs her that this is her sixth child and she knows very well what labor is.  The woman then tells her that, as a hospital receptionist, she knows all about labor and my mother is very clearly not in labor. But, in a moment of charity, the woman tells my mother she can sit in the waiting room for a while.

Honestly, I don't know where my father was during all this as he is absent from my mother's account for quite some time.  There was another man in the picture, however...the janitor.

There was a janitor around who was apparently more observant than the receptionist and realized that my mother was in labor.  To help, he brought her a glass of ice chips.  Unfortunately, his arrival to her side coincided with a strong labor pain and, instead of gratefully taking the ice, my mother grabbed the poor man's arm and BIT INTO IT!  She says she doesn't remember this but it was what the janitor told her when he showed up the next day to show her his bruised and bloody arm (okay, I don't know if there was actually blood).  Apparently, this got the attention of the receptionist who admitted my mother....

....which should have been the end of the drama.

But it wasn't.

You see, the doctor, who was the head of obstetrics, also did not believe my mother was in labor.  He was so sure of this belief that he would not come to examine her, even though he was in the hospital and, as I said, my mother was the only patient there.

Of course, there was something else catching his attention.  That night happened to be the television premiere of a movie.  Remember, this was back in the pre-DVR, pre-VCR, pre-Cable days and when a movie came on television, it was a big deal.  Was that any excuse?  Of course not.  You know what makes it worse?  That movie was Rosemary's Baby.

Yes, the head of obstetrics was more interested in the birth of the spawn of Satan than he was of the of the child of the only patient in his hospital!  And, yes, my mother had to wait until the end of the movie for him to come down and check on her.

Well, by the time he did arrive, I was just about to do the same.  The doctor sat in his chair, caught me and then said the words that have haunted me my entire life:

"This baby is huge!  This is the biggest baby I've ever seen!  I can't believe it!  I have to show the nurses!"

(Side note: I was 10 pounds, 5.5 ounces, which IS big, but not monstrously so.  This doctor should have seen my father--he was over 13 pounds at birth!)

And he walked out with me--with my mother still on the table calling out, "Is it a boy or a girl????"  My father, who miraculously shows up at this moment in the story, chased the doctor down the hall to peek over his shoulder to determine my gender.  Still, the entire hospital staff had a chance to get to know my before my mother did!

My father, after my birth, headed home with enough champagne to intoxicate my 14 year old brother and his friends who happened to be over for a sleepover.  Ah yes, parenting at its best!

And there you go.  Luckily or unluckily, my children have inherited my birth story karma instead of their father's.  Maybe I'll share those stories sometime....

Cramming!

I really feel like I've been cramming lately!  As you may know, I also write a book blog and I do a lot of solicited reviews.  Well, quite some time ago I had agreed to do a review for a book that was meant to be published last week.  Unfortunately, the published didn't send me a copy until right before my review was due!  I did talk to the publicity group handling the tour and they very kindly let me push my review back (it will appear this Friday).  However, I was backed up with other books I needed to read and, frankly, I've been cramming!  Ugh!

Anyway, I have one short book I have to finish for tomorrow's book club and another to review next week and then things calm down...phew!

In other news, I did end up taking an active rest day (as opposed to a lie around all day rest day, which I did on Sunday).  I think, with Body Pump on Mondays and Wednesdays, Tuesday is a good rest day...for right now.  In a couple of weeks, once my daughter is done with preschool, I'll be going back to Aqua Zumba on Tuesdays (and then tennis lessons at night).  Right now, though, resting on Tuesday is good.

It is also Taco Tuesday in our house.  I found a fabulous healthy crock pot taco recipe here that my family loves.  My only change is that I use a little reduced fat cheddar cheese instead of the sour cream and the rest of my family adds "glue," or what other people call refried beans.  I can't stand those, so I pass on it.  My 2.5 year old son goes crazy for tacos.  He at 3 tacos tonight!  Yikes!  I think my daughter only ate 1 taco, but I think she ate 3 shells...ha ha!

Tomorrow, it is back to Body Pump and then I think I'll be helping my daughter with a project to make gifts for her teachers.  And I may drink...heavily.  You know how it goes with preschoolers and messy crafts....

Not a motivational quote, but I loved this!

Weekend Recap

I know I had a little post last night, but I thought I should write a bit more about my weekend.  First of all, I did not "work out" at all.  That being said, I worked my tushy off Wednesday through Saturday (I totally relaxed yesterday....hey!  It was Mother's Day!).  A lot of it was running around and such, but I spent a good part of Saturday working in the yard.  This is notable because I'm not one for yardwork--as my husband likes to point out!  Anyway, my husband finally built our second raised garden bed, I had a full composter and about 9 herb starts to plant, so I got at it.

Um, ow!!!  As hard as Body Pump is, it in NO WAY prepares your for shoveling compost.  Ugh!  I was still feeling it this morning and actually contemplated not going to Body Pump.  I did end up going but, honestly, I'm not entirely sure that was the right decision.  Today's sore is not the good kind of sore.  Sigh!  We'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow before I decide how I work out or if I take it as a rest day.

The amazing summer-ish weather we've been having here in Oregon has come to an end.  I can't say I'm too disappointed, honestly.  As much as I'll miss the sun for the next few days, the fact that I can breathe again is wonderful!  Of course, this also means that my grilling will have to go on a hiatus but, hey!, I CAN BREATHE!

Today was Housecleaner's day....I think I wrote about this before, but we caved and hired a housekeeping service to come clean our kitchen and bathrooms once a month.  With my psoriasis, I just wasn't able to keep up with it (the cleaners just killed my skin and I can only handle 5 minutes or so at a time with rubber gloves.  And my husband doesn't "deep clean.")  I have to say...it kind of stresses me out.  Of course, I wasn't ready for them when they came, so I was madly trying to pick things up.  And the kids hadn't yet gone down for their nap, so there was that.  I sometimes wonder if it is worth it...and then I see my clean house!

Our big plan this afternoon is to head to the grocery store to pick up a dinner for a friend of mine who just had a baby.  Normally, I would cook something--and that was my plan--but then I realized that the housecleaners would be here and I wouldn't have use of my kitchen for part of the afternoon.  So now, it is rotisserie chicken and such!  We'll probably stop at the library on the way home as we have a load of books on hold for the kids.  I know, I live such an exciting life!

And, for those of you who might have trouble getting it going on a Monday, this one is for you:

Happy Mother's Day!

I know that I have been absent the past few days.  No, I have not fallen off the wagon....life has just been really, really busy lately.  What can I say?  Life happens!  

This will be a bit of a drive-by post as it is late and I want to get to bed.  First of all, I want to wish my readers, who happen to be mothers, a very happy Mother's Day.  Mine was low-key, which was just what I needed.  My husband got me a bluetooth keyboard for my iPad, which I am using at this very moment to write this post!  Hopefully, autocorrect doesn't go too crazy with this.

I did go to my WW meeting yesterday and I was down 1.4, so yay me!  I did have a very on-plan week, so I'm sure that played a role.  This week, I'm trying my new workout schedule, so we'll see how that goes,  I did indulge a bit tonight--I found some gluten free pizza crusts at Winco the last time I was there, so we made those up.  Then I had some Irish cream afterwards.  I did track it all and I didn't go totally crazy, but I need to be a bit more strict this week to make up for it.

No inspirational quote tonight--only because I haven't figured out how to insert on while typing on my iPad!  Don't worry...I'll catch up with the technology sooner or later!

That must have been the problem!

I woke up feeling pretty poorly this morning--my sore muscles were much better, but my sinuses were such a mess.  After I got downstairs and the kids their breakfast, I took a claritin and the world was just so much better--and my head cleared enough for me to realize that I had forgotten to take allergy medication yesterday.  Ugh!  I still have a bit of a sinus headache, but it is nothing like it was yesterday.

I've been thinking more about my workout schedule.  Right now, it is:
Monday - Body Pump and HIIT on a cardio machine
Tuesday - Rest
Wednesday - Body Pump and HIIT on a cardio machine
Thursday - Rest
Friday - HIIT on Recumbent Bike
Saturday - Some kind of cardio or strength and cardio (usually a DVD)
Sunday - Rest

As I was saying in my last post, the Tuesday and Thursday rest days are not optional--I'm completely wiped after my Monday and Wednesday workout.  In fact, Monday and Wednesday are pretty much wiped out after my workout.  I guess I'm just not yet the workout ninja who can do a strength AND a HIIT cardio workout in one day!   So, I'm going to try this schedule for next week:

Monday - Body Pump
Tuesday - Cardio / HIIT
Wednesday - Body Pump
Thursday - Cardio / HIIT
Friday - Rest or Cardio / HIIT
Saturday - Cardio / DVD
Sunday - Rest

Once my daughter's preschool is out for the year, I'll have Aqua Zumba on Tuesdays, so that will take care of that workout.  This also takes me from 3 rest days a week to 1 or 2, which I think will be better.  I'll give it a try for a couple of weeks to see how it goes.

In other news, grilling weather is here in the Pacific Northwest.  My husband and I were going to grill steaks on Sunday--but we realized starting up our big Webber grill for 4 people (but really one 3 people food-wise,  as my kids each usually eat a half portion) was really not worth it.  However, I still love to grill, so today I purchased a little table-top propane grill for when it is just us.  And, you betcha I'm grilling tonight!  I'll be doing burgers tonight and then chicken on Thursday and, maybe, chicken sausages on Friday.  Yum!

As I'm typing this, I'm watching the news and they are covering Governor Christie's press conference about his surgery.  He very clearly does not want to be doing this, and can you blame him?  He has always been ridiculed in the press regarding his weight and it seemed very clear from watching him that he felt he had to "answer to " the press about his decision regarding his surgery.

When are we going to get past this?  I do not see how Gov. Christie's surgery is anyone's business but his own (and his family's).  Why does the world feel that someone's weight is open for discussion?

Ugh!  Getting off my soapbox now!

Yowza!

Right now, every cell in my body is screaming out in pain.  Issue #1 - the weather here is gorgeous, which means that my allergies are going at full force.  Normally, I can just suffer through them but, for some reason (maybe it is the fact that the weather is so incredibly wonderful) this year they are just FIERCE.   Then, Issue#2.  I did the Grace and Gusto DVD on Saturday, which I haven't done in a while.  Apparently, it worked completely different muscles than I've been using in Body Pump because, my oh my, I am in pain!  Oh, and I went to Body Pump today...so double the pain.

Speaking of Body Pump, my routine has been to do a HIIT session after my Body Pump class.  I'm starting to think that may be just too much.  I've had to take Tuesdays and Thursdays as rest days because I was so worn out from my Monday and Wednesday workouts.  Next week, I think I'm going to just Body Pump on those days and then do my cardio on other days.  We'll see how it goes.  For those of you who do Body Pump, do you add in cardio on those days?

I did make it to my WW meeting on Saturday and was down 0.8.  Since it was my regularly scheduled weight gain week, I'll take that loss.  The topic was about anchors, which made me realize that I didn't actually have an anchor.  So, I decided  to take a lead fromt he WW Weekly magazine and make a paperclip chain--and I hung it in my pantry so that it hangs over the shelf with all the snacks.  Ha!

Okay, my brain is beyond fuzzy tonight, so I'm calling it quits for now.  I'm hoping my allergies will ease a bit by tomorrow, but I doubt it.  Sigh!